U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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