i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
