This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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