Christians are straight up FREAKS
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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