Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
