so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
