so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
