Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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