You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
