how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
There's always time for handjobs
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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