Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We're using joints as your birthday candles
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
