3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
