Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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