we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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