haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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