apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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