rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
