nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
