he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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