How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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