the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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