the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
