Soap is not a condiment
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
