honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize