The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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