Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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