a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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