Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Randomize
