This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
