i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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