This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
