We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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