My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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