Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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