you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Is it penis luge time yet?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
