If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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