i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
sarcasm needs its own font
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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