you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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