we should wear snuggies to the strip club
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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