An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
