I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
