Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
