He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
