VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
