the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
