How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
