Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
