Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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