He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
