NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Randomize
