I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
