Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize