real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
