Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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