I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
