At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
