Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
