my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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