Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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