So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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