hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
