just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
