There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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