First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
